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Mary asked:
What is proper etiquette for introducing people to one another in a social
setting? For example, If you are chatting with some one (A) and some one else
(B) approaches you, do you turn to A and introduce B or vice versa? What about
if you are leading a business meeting where people are meeting one another
face to face for the first time? Thank you.
The Etiquette Queen says:
You introduce the older person to the younger (i.e. Aunt Grace, this is my
friend Mary Jones). Usually introduce the one you're talking to the
newcomer. At a business meeting, that usual thing of going around the table
doesn't work. Who remembers. Either have name tags, signs or let them do it
individually at a break. You could do the initial intro when you ask them to
speak or acknowledge them at the meeting.
Tricia asked:
I am invited to my fiancé's family Christmas party. This will be the first
time I have met some of them, and I want to make a good impression. It isn't a
formal affair, but I want to give a good impression. Can you help?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Are you asking what to wear, what to bring, etc. Write back and ask
specific questions and I would be more than happy to help. We've all been in
situations like this and it can be very nerve wracking.
b.beaumont asked:
A Close friend has asked me to be her son's Godmother. I am unsure of the
proper gift to give and what is expected of me at the brunch immediately
following the Baptism ceremony.
The Etiquette Queen says:
I don't think anything is expected of you at the brunch. I would give the
baby a silver rattle that is engraved.
Cassandra asked:
What is the etiquette for cell phones in restaurants?
The Etiquette Queen says:
There is nothing so annoying than someone's cell phone going off in a
public place such as a restaurant. Who is that important and what could
possibly be the emergency? Exceptions: Leave it on for the babysitter. If you
are expecting an important call, let your phone take the message and you call
back.
Paul asked:
Why should one serve from the left side?
The Etiquette Queen says:
In the olden times, serving from the left was less disruptive than the
right because the majority of people were right handed. Removal from the right
gave the server the opportunity to not interrupt the eater and also not interfere
with the other server.
jan asked:
What is the correct attire to wear to a debutant ball? Do I need to wear
gloves and give the deb a gift?
The Etiquette Queen says:
In my city, the correct attire is a full length dress, no gloves. The gift
is up to you.
Stacy asked:
I am invited to a holiday open house by a neighbor. What am I supposed to
bring? And what exactly is holiday open house?
The Etiquette Queen says:
A holiday open house is a party with a varying time from, say from 1-4
where people drop in during that time. It's not a meal but snacks, beverages,
and good cheer. You might want to bring a box of candy.
Gina asked:
I mistakenly put the wrong RSVP phone number on my party invitations.
Should I attempt to call all the people I invited to inform them of this
mistake or should I just plan food and beverages for the maximum amount of
people?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I would call them. The time it takes to do that more than saves money in
buying improperly. Make a joke of it.
Josephine asked:
I work with a supervisor who loves to publicly embarrass certain members of
his staff. Usually, it is completely uncalled for and inappropriate. However,
some of the employees are concerned that it may send the wrong message to top
management. Do we confront the manager? As a team or individually? Do we
ignore it? Do we express our concerns to the higher ups? Logic tells us this
technique is used because of the manager's feelings of inadequacy or loss of
control.
The Etiquette Queen says:
If you have already spoken to this person about your feelings and you have
been ignored, then take it to his supervisor. This is called harassment and
shouldn't be tolerated whatever his reasons are. You could do it individually
or as a group, it doesn't matter.
Adriana asked:
My friends and I will be throwing a new year's party and we are trying to
estimate how much alcohol we should buy. The party is for 4 hours, 60-75
people, and everyone is a moderate to heavy drinker. I plan on offering wine,
beer, and liquor, as well as, champagne at 12:00. What would be a good
estimate of how much I should buy of each (more beer and liquor than anything
else) or how much a party like this should consume?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Well, a good bartender can get 16 drinks out of a bottle but self-pouring,
maybe 10-12. I would figure 2 glasses of champagne per person. It is ok to run
out of some things as long as there are beverages to take their place such as
soft drinks and coffee.
Elizabeth asked:
I have a dear Jewish friend who is an attorney in a fairly large office.
Her co-workers (most are Christian) decorate their doors using traditional
Christmas colors and themes. I would like to surprise her and decorate her
office door with the appropriate Jewish Hanukkah colors and symbols. I very
much would appreciate your advice as to what colors, symbols and themes are
appropriate decorations for a follower of Judaism. I want the door decorations
to be appropriate and meaningful to the Jewish Holiday and my friend.
Thank you very much for your help.
The Etiquette Queen says:
The colors are blue and white and the symbols are a menorah and a dreidel.
Karen asked:
We have been invited to what I guess is a holiday party at our new
neighbors. We are new to the area. The invitation just says please come. Also
has date time and place but nothing else. I don't know if its a party for the
people that live on our street (the street had a picnic 2 months ago) or a
party for friends etc. How should we dress and should we bring a gift?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I suggest that you call your host/hostess and ask these questions. Don't
feel embarrassed. You need to know.
Joanne asked:
I'm having 10 people for dinner. Do I have them serve their plates via a
serving line in the kitchen area (plenty of room) or do I put the meal on the
table and have them pass the food around? Please respond soon. The dinner is
Saturday.
The Etiquette Queen says:
You have a few choices. Do the one most comfortable. You could set a buffet
on another table and let people serve themselves. You could put the food on
the table and let people pass it family style. You could let them make plates
from the kitchen. Of all the choices, I like the buffet. Kitchen service is
for family and family style is sort of awkward.
carrie asked:
I'm planning a surprise sweet 16 for my daughter. The theme will be
"fishes", I need invitations with this and some ideas for favors.
Please help! thanks
The Etiquette Queen says:
Look at www.oriental.com for this stuff. They have all sorts of invites and
decorations for this. You might want to hang fish-mobiles for decorations.
Mary asked:
What is an appropriate gift for you physician? 2. Is one week
too long to stay as a house guest in another city ?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Get a gift for the person, not the profession. Choose something he or she
is interested in. A week is not too long to stay, as long as that's what time
you were invited for. But guests like food, get stale after that.
Di asked:
Is there a proper way to place Christmas cards in the envelope?
The Etiquette Queen says:
No, just make sure it doesn't fall out and has a stamp.
Marcy asked:
I'm throwing a surprise party for my friend and I'm serving appetizers and
cake. I'm not sure how much food to order- most platter are per dozen/ some
per person- what's a safe amount for how many appetizers per person? Thanks
The Etiquette Queen says:
Depending upon how long the party lasts and what sort of food. Usually
figure 8-10 pieces (hors d' oeuvres (not cheese and crackers or veggies) per
person for about 45 minutes. It's always better to have too much than to run
out so back yourself up with veggies and dip platters and that sort of thing.
Goldie asked:
I am a college student with a limited budget, but want to throw a
millennium party. Is it horrible to ask for an optional financial donation to
offset costs of food and entertainment? I will probably also ask each guest to
bring a bottle of champagne or alcohol. If I do ask for a financial
contribution how would I do it? As part of the invite or just have a donation
jar?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Tell people you want to have a pitch-in party and keep track of what
everyone will bring whether it's food or liquor. You tell people you will
provide the place, decorations, mixes, ice, paper goods and some food.
Melva asked:
My family and I are giving my grandmother an 80th birthday party. This is
our first big party to plan, and we're in the dark. Do we give it a religious
theme, do we have a dj? Help!!
The Etiquette Queen says:
Is your grandfather a religious person? Why not just go for all out fun.
Get a picture of him blown up to poster size and have everyone sign it. Ask
everyone to send you a picture and small story about him and put it in an
album for him to keep. Look at the theme page for ideas about parties and
decide date, time place, etc. If you are still stuck, write back.
Angel asked:
What is the steps to be more social etiquette special when you talk and
laugh?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Just be genuine and real.
Leah asked:
I am throwing my girlfriend a surprise birthday party and am inviting a
mixture or her family and friends. Some of the people I want to invite suspect
we are a couple, but she has not confirmed it. I am also inviting some of our
same-sex couple friends, and am wondering how to work with this type of guest
list without some drunk person turning a touchy situation into an embarrassing
or confrontational situation? This is celebration, how to keep it focused on
that?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Have you told you family about this? This would be a good time to get it
out into the open. I assume that your friends all know already. If you don't
you run the risk of embarrassment and sadness.
JaX asked:
I'm having a sweet 16 party and i want to put a poem or saying on the
invitation that relates to "Sweet 16" I've seen this done before on
my friends invitations, but i don't want to have the same poem or saying as
them. PLEASE help me!!!!
The Etiquette Queen says:
I don't know you and what you like but you could just do something with:
When under 10, it was too far to be seen The day that I would be sixteen
Young, naive and not too bright It seemed that adulthood was out of sight But
as things do, the years went past And suddenly it's here at last So I invite
you to come and play And help make this a special day
Scott asked:
party games for 9-year old boys
The Etiquette Queen says:
Look at the gamegirl site under kids games
sally asked:
We would like to have Holiday Open House and invite all our neighbors. It
will be in the evening and include heavy Hors d'oeuvres but not dinner. Should
we list a start time only or a time range on the invitation? What is a
reasonable time to start on a weekday?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Always put a time range for an open house or you'll never be done. Weekdays
are hard because people come home from work, take care of the kids, need to
arrange for a sitter, etc. You might want to think of a Sunday daytime like
11-3. But if you are set on weekday night, you will need to provide heavy
appetizers because they won't get any dinner. I'd say from 6-9 should do it.
Paulette asked:
My husband and I do not eat meat and are having a brunch. I feel very
strongly that we should not serve meat. He feels strongly that, as good hosts,
we should serve meat to our meat-eating friends. What's your opinion?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Brunch is the easiest meal to serve if you and/or your guests are veggies.
Eggs, bagels, jam, cream cheese, blintzes with blueberry sauce, spinach soufflé, white
fish, mini pancakes or waffles, etc. If you feel you must have
some meat, have some bacon or sausage or Canadian bacon in a warmer. I eat
meat but have had fine brunches at temples where it is all dairy, and at the
homes of friends.
Miss Creation asked:
When going to someone's Christmas party,(2 males) what would be the best
gift to give? Also, if no dress code is implied, what is proper - to over or
under dress?
The Etiquette Queen says:
If you feel you should bring something, how about some great cheese and
fancy crackers and/or a bottle of wine. As for dress, ask your hosts what they
have in mind, casual, semi-dressy,, or what. It is always more comfortable to
be a little underdressed than over dressed. You can usually get around it by
wearing a camisole and great cardigan and nice pants. Add a good piece of
jewelry and you could go anywhere.
Frank asked:
Is it appropriate/common to give my wife...(a woman) a 40th B-day
party? She wants one.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Of course, it is always appropriate to celebrate a special day.
Melanie asked:
1.) Over the weekend I was invited to a ball in Alabama. It was a second
date with the gentleman, and I stayed in his parent's home. I was wondering if
you could give advise on proper wording for the thank you note. 2.) I
left my purse in a restaurant, and a nice lady found it and gave it back to
me. What would be a good way to thank her for her honesty and trouble? I was
thinking a nice note and a gift certificate would be good. Any advise?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Try: Thank you for having me as your guest (fill in the date). Your home is
beautiful and I felt quite comfortable there. It was very gracious of you to
have me. Depends upon the worth - if there was a lot of money, credit cards,
etc. a note and a small gift would be nice. If not, a nice note. Personally, I
would make a charitable donation in this lady's name and let her know.
Amy asked:
We are planning a bridal shower and some of the people on our list are not
invited to the reception only the wedding, do we invite them to the shower? Do
we invite the people who live out of state. Out of the Bridal party who is in
charge of the cost of the shower?
The Etiquette Queen says:
First of all, I have never heard of inviting someone to a wedding and not
the reception. What's up with that? If someone lives out of town and is a
close relative, send an invitation, if not, don't. the cost of the shower is
divided equally among all the hostesses.
Denese asked:
What should be worn to a recital and is it proper to bring the person
flowers?
The Etiquette Queen says:
If it is during the day, regular daytime clothing such as a skirt and
blouse or sweater is just fine. If it is in the evening, perhaps a dress or a
skirt and good sweater set. Flowers are always appropriate.
Colleen asked:
When a table is set with a service plate (charger) is it removed when the
main course is served or left on the table throughout the meal?
The Etiquette Queen says:
It is removed just before the first course is served. It is only for
decoration.
Susan asked:
What side of the place setting do the forks and knives go?
Etiquette Queen says:
Forks on left, knives and spoons on right
Carol asked:
We are giving our daughter a surprise 25th birthday dinner party at a local
restaurant. We are expecting 16-20 guests. The guests will be relatives,
friends and co-workers. I am concerned over the seating arrangements. Who and
how many should be sat at the head table? The tables will be in a horseshoe.
Is there a proper seating arrangement for this type of dinner? Any help would
be greatly appreciated. Thank You,
The Etiquette Queen says:
If it is a horseshoe, obviously the birthday girl sites at the head and her
parents should be next to her on one side. Is she married or have a
significant other? That person should sit on her other side. Other than that,
there is no rule as to where people should sit. I hate assigned seating
because it never works well.
amy asked:
What is an acceptable date to put Christmas lights up, and more importantly,
when should they be taken down?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Lots of people put them up to sine right after Thanksgiving and take them
down after New Years. But I think that whatever you want to do is fine.
melissa asked:
My friends say I'm nuts....but I disagree with them on this. I say that it
is not appropriate to get drunk in first class, whereas they think it is fine.
They also think it is okay to have a few cocktails in first class as early as
8:00 am in the morning...what do you think?
The Etiquette Queen says:
You cannot tell others when to drink but getting drunk at any time is
really bad form. Just because the liquor is free, it doesn't mean you need to
take advantage. As far as early morning, well, I couldn't have one but a
bloody mary might be OK.
Amy asked:
When should you send Christmas greeting cards? What's the last possible day
they should be sent out? Also, when should Christmas thank-you notes be sent?
Thank you for your help.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Send the greeting cards to arrive at least one week before Christmas so
that the receiver has time to enjoy it. Thank you notes should be written as
soon as possible but certainly within a month.
Susan asked:
For Thanksgiving, is it okay to seat children at one table and adults at
another?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Of course. The "children's " table used to be the big joke in our
family. great thrill to move to the adult one.
Lou asked:
How do you tell which is the salt shaker and which is the pepper shaker
when the set has a different amount of holes on the top of each?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Usually the more holes means salt. When in doubt, shake a bit in a bare
spot on your plate.
Sue asked:
I have been asked to give an engagement party for a young couple who are
very close to my husband and myself. The brides Mother is very grateful and
she and her husband will certainly attend. My question--I know the brides
Father should give a toast, then does the grooms father return the toast?
Also, does the best man or maid of honor say anything if appropriate? Guess
I just need, who toasts whom and sequence of the toasts. (Have given
away all my how-to-do books when my children got married.)
The Etiquette Queen says:
Relax - there are no real rules. Usually these toasting rituals are
reserved for the wedding reception. Anyone who wants to can give a toast. Just
keep them short and sweet.
Mary asked:
I have been asked to give an engagement party for a young couple who are
very close to my husband and myself. The brides Mother is very grateful and
she and her husband will certainly attend. My question--I know the brides
Father should give a toast, then does the grooms father return the toast?
Also, does the best man or maid of honor say anything if appropriate? Guess
I just need, who toasts whom and sequence of the toasts. (Have given
away all my how-to-do books when my children got married.)
The Etiquette Queen says:
Relax - there are no real rules. Usually these toasting rituals are
reserved for the wedding reception. Anyone who wants to can give a toast. Just
keep them short and sweet.
kimberley asked:
I need to know how to set the table for Thanksgiving dinner. How does the
silverware go?
The Etiquette Queen says:
You put things in the order they are used. The forks go on the left (both
have 4 letters, easy to remember). Start with salad and then dinner fork. The
knives and spoons on the right with the knives next to the plate. If you are
using dessert spoons or forks they go at the top (12 o'clock position).
Vicki asked:
How to conduct a proper Victorian tea and demonstrate the appropriate
manners/etiquette involved with such an event.
The Etiquette Queen says:
You will have to go to the library for this one. I know about teas but I
don't know the differences between a Victorian one and an English one.
Elisa asked:
I teach a class to high school students called Hospitality & Tourism.
The students are learning about different types of table settings. Do you know
of any Really good books that have good written detail as well as pictures to
teach my students about table settings and general table manners. Also, do you
know where I can find more info. on where table setting traditions originated
from (ex: salt and pepper in front of the most important guest). Any help
would be great!! Elisa
The Etiquette Queen says:
One good etiquette book is written by Lutecia Baldwin (not sure of the
spelling). She was social secretary to the first lady. I would ask your
librarian for other materials.
Dave asked:
We're having a 21st birthday party for our daughter. I would like to know
what should be included in our speech as far as congratulations, thanking my
wife, should I say a bit about what her achievements have been, funny stories
etc and any thing else you can think of. Thanks
The Etiquette Queen says:
I always believe the best speeches come from the heart, the place you live.
Don't try to be a toastmaster is that is not natural for you. One idea you
might try is to gather some pictures of your daughter at different ages, with
and without you both. Blow them up and use them as decorations and speak to
those stages of her life. As for thanking her mom, do so. Moms don't get
enough credit. Neither do dads.
Candy asked:
When using chargers with your china, are you supposed to keep the charger
on the table during the whole meal? They look pretty on a table, but really
how are they to be used?
The Etiquette Queen says:
They are used to set the mood. They are removed just before service of the
first course.
Sara asked:
I am attending a Winter Ball on December 17. I will have my hair done and
was wondering where I could get ideas. i.e. magazines, web sites, etc. Please
help ASAP. Thanks!!
The Etiquette Queen says:
Look at magazines that specialize in hair styles. But remember, just
because it looks good on someone else, doesn't mean it looks good on you. You
should go to a stylist you have used before and one who you trust and if
trying something new, do a trial run.
Terri asked:
I am hosting a large New Year's Eve party. Children of all ages will be
present. How can I remind parents to keep their children well behaved but let
them have a nice time?
The Etiquette Queen says:
You can't. If you invite children, they will act like children. It's up to
their parents to oversee their behavior. If they haven't done so already,
there's nothing you can do to change it.
Jason asked:
I just got hired at a very high class restaurant and have absolutely no
wait experience. I heard you should serve on the left and clear on the right,
is this correct. Also where can I find information pertaining to serving
etiquette in upper-class restaurants. Thank you for your time
The Etiquette Queen says:
Go to the library, use the net or just ask those you will be working with
at the restaurant. I can't believe they would send you out totally untrained,
especially at a good restaurant. Watch your co-workers and don't be afraid to
ask questions.
Denisse asked:
How to make small talk with people you do not know in a social or business
event
The Etiquette Queen says:
The best thing to do is to ask an open ended question (one that can't be
answered just yes or no). For example, What do you do? How do you know the
host?
Sarah asked:
I am hosting a dinner party on December 28th for my 21st birthday. And I
have a bunch of questions for you. I have read to invite an odd number of
guests. Do you agree? Also, should I have the same number of females as males,
or not? I want my guests not to wear jeans (casual), but not too dressy
(formal). Should I say semi-dressy on the invitations? Thanks for you
help!
The Etiquette Queen says:
I have never hear of inviting an odd number of guests, if anything, an even
number works the best for many reasons. Males to females, best is friends that
mix well together in spite of gender. When your guests RSVP, ask them not to
wear jeans.
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