The Etiquette Queen
Questions About Gifts
Ask your questions of the Etiquette Queen now.
You may even see your question and answer posted in the space below.
Evelyn asked:
> What is the appropriate gift to give for a college graduation? Is money ok?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Quite frankly, money is the perfect gift for a college graduate. Unless they come from a wealthy family which is supporting them from now on, money is great.
Angie asked:
What is the proper Etiquette for Gift Giving at a Retirement party.
>
The Etiquette Queen says:
I'm not sure what you are really asking. As for choosing a gift, usually everyone goes in for one big gift. And they all sign the card. Write again if this isn't your question.
Laura asked:
Do I need to bring a gift to an engagement party?
The Etiquette Queen says:
No, only if it is a shower.
Jan asked:
sentimental gifts for 50th wedding anniversary party
The Etiquette Queen says:
One of my favorite things to do for a big birthday or anniversary is to ask
friends and family to send you a picture from the past and a story about the
celebrant. Put these in an album and on the front, put a picture of the couple
now and a copy of their wedding picture.
Cindy asked:
My son recently bought a home and I decided to throw an Open House party
for him. After the invitations were already printed, My son's fiancé had
problems at her home and moved in with him, (we figured she would eventually
move in but not this quick). She attends college and does not contribute to
the household expenses. My question is, should gifts have been addressed to my
son, or to both of them?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Mom, you had better be careful. I can see some resentment already against
your future daughter-in-law. If she and your son are getting married, accept
the fact they live together and don't worry about how the gifts are addressed.
People will do what they want to do. If they ask you, tell them to use both
names. Build a good foundation for yourself in this relationship.
Amina asked:
What would be a good little gift to offer my guest at a graduation party?
The Etiquette Queen says:
You don't need to offer any gift other than whatever you are serving. You
might want to take Polaroid pictures of you and the guest for them to take
home.
Dy asked:
My friend's husband is throwing her an elegant 40th birthday party. I would
like to give her some nice earrings but am afraid it might be inappropriate.
What do you think?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I have never give another woman jewelry except for my daughters. I think
earrings are quite personal. I would choose something else.
Shera asked:
Does a guy give you your corsage first or do you give him a
boutonnière first
and where do you place it on him or do you let him do it himself?
The Etiquette Queen says:
The order doesn't matter. It's very hard to pin a
boutonnière on yourself so
you do it. Remember, left lapel.
Lisa asked:
I need to know some gifts I can give out at a
babyshower, the game winner
gifts...thanks so much..babyshower giver..lisa
The Etiquette Queen says:
If you are having a theme such as Winnie or suns or something like that,
check www.oriental.com for great theme gifts. Maybe a beanie baby to go with
your theme. Candy is always good.
Lisa asked:
My husband is throwing me a college graduation party at our home. I have
been in college for seven years and this is a way to celebrate our lives
getting somewhat back to normal. I have a couple of questions. Is it proper to
have a graduation party for an adult? I really do not expect gifts from
anyone, should I put something on the invitations? If so, what should it say?
The Etiquette Queen says:
It is quite proper to have a graduation party for an adult. In fact, I
think it's the least you can do to celebrate the commitment and the follow
through. Congrats. As far as gifts, if you make it a casual party with fun
things to do, most people will probably not bring a gift, maybe a card. Don't
worry about it.
Maggy asked:
What is an appropriate gift to give my child's godparents after his
Baptism?
The Etiquette Queen says:
One nice thing would be a silver picture frame with a picture of the baby.
Mary Ann asked:
What can I do if opening gifts starts to keep the guest of honor from
enjoying the party? what is the appropriate time to open the gifts if I have
serving a sit down dinner which starts at 7:00?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I would not open any gifts until you have at least started sitting for
dinner. If there are courses, why not open some between courses to keep
attention from wandering. If you break it up, it is more interesting.
Rachel asked:
I am going to visit a friend from work next week for the first time
since her baby was born (she's still on Maternity leave). I gave her a
small gift when I first found out she was expecting and I gave her a
gift at her baby shower. Should I bring a gift for the baby on this
first visit?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Not necessary. Two gifts is plenty unless you are really close.
Ellie asked:
I am hosting a 3rd birthday party for my little girl and her best friend.
(A Joint Party) How do we send invitations so that people do not feel
obligated to bring presents to both girls? Should I not worry about the issue
and let people bring what they want? Most of the children who will be invited
either know my daughter or her friend. They do not know both children.
The Etiquette Queen says:
If I received an invitation for a joint party, I would never bring just one
gift. I may spend more on the one I know but I would never leave the other
out. But that's me. I think you can't worry about it. Let people do as they
see fit.
Angie asked:
A friend of mine recently moved into a new home and I was wondering if I
should go ahead and give her a housewarming gift even though she has not
extended an invitation to visit their new home?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I would call first to see if she is ready for guests and gifts. Some people
get nervous if they feel they don't have everything together. Also see if she
is registered anywhere.
Lisa asked:
I am expecting my first baby in a few weeks. Four female relatives are
going in together to give me a baby shower. What are some ideas for hostess
gifts I can give them? Also, a married couple is giving my husband and I a
co-ed baby shower, and I'd like ideas on what kind of gift to give them (they
have 2 small daughters).
The Etiquette Queen says:
First, the couple. Maybe savings bonds for the children. I know I would
appreciate that. As far as your female relatives go, a lot depends upon what
you want to spend and their ages and likes. Are they into fragrances -
perfume. Do they wear a certain type of makeup - gift certificate. Silver
picture frame?
Brenda asked:
I received an invitation to an Engagement Party. It is for couples on a
Saturday evening. Are gifts appropriate and, if so, are china, crystal, etc.
what I should choose to bring.
The Etiquette Queen says:
You don't need to bring a gift to an engagement party, just a shower or the
wedding or send the wedding present directly to the bride.
Robyn asked:
Can or should the mother of the bride take a gift to each bridal shower she
and the bride are invited to attend?
The Etiquette Queen says:
If she can afford it, yes. One way to do this is if she is giving dishes
for instance, bring a couple of the place setting to each shower. If she
can't, then don't.
Kim asked:
I am christening my daughter. What do you buy the godparents as a gift and
what kind of favors do you give the guests?
The Etiquette Queen says:
The guests don't need to get anything if you are serving food and such. As
for the godparents, you might give them a customized picture frame and put in
a picture of the baby.
Barbara asked:
Please tell me are "goodie-bags" a required item at a child
birthday party. My daughter has been to some where she has received and some
that she has not received. Her party is this week and I need to know if I
should buy this as well. The party is not at home.
The Etiquette Queen says:
That is up to you completely. It is not a must.
Ramona asked:
I am planning my son's first birthday party. On the invitation I would like
to say something to the effect that I would prefer gifts of money instead of
clothes or toys. I don't want to offend anyone by asking for money, but my son
has too many clothes and toys as it is. The money will be invested into his
fund account for future college savings. Is there a proper way of saying this
without offending anyone? I know how some people feel when wedding invitations
indicate "adults only." Let me know. Thanks.
The Etiquette Queen says:
There's no way to say that. Besides, you won't be able to fund any
education from the small amount you might get and you'll create very bad
feelings among the guests. I you really don't want toys or clothes, suggest a
contribution to your favorite charity.
Lisa asked:
A friend's child was married in June. We were not able to attend the
wedding and RSVP'd the same. However, I now realize that I did not send a gift
of any kind. How do I approach that and is it too late to send a gift? How
should I approach that.
The Etiquette Queen says:
In theory, you have one year to send a gift so get moving. Just put on the
card, "Sorry it's late but at least it's here. Ha Ha"
Janet asked:
What is the proper etiquette on giving baby gifts? Specifically, if I've
already given a gift at the baby shower, should I give another gift when the
baby is actually born?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Not unless you want to. Usually the shower covers the gift. But if you are
really close to the parents and really want to do something, a bond, a
donation or a small gift of a "babysitting" certificate would be
great.
Vic asked:
What is the proper way to let your guests know that a gift is expected at
the birthday party that you have invited them to?
The Etiquette Queen says:
When they RSVP, tell them as nicely as you can. This is never easy and the
verb "expected" is a bad one. People give because they want to, not
because they are obligated to. I let people make up their own minds about
gifts and let the chips fall where they may.
Sarah asked:
My boyfriend and I are attending a rather lavish 75th birthday meal for his
grandma for which she is paying. What is a classical gift for this
anniversary? we'd like it to be special as she has helped us financially over
the past few years.
The Etiquette Queen says:
One gift you don't have to buy is to get as many relatives and friends as
you can to give you pictures and stories that mean a lot to her. You and your
husband write her a letter telling her how much you love and appreciate her
for all the things that she has done and what a wonderful support she has
been. Put these all together in an album for her to look at over and over. As
far as the album goes, why not find a silver album cover and have it engraved
for the occasion.
Monica asked:
I would like to find a better way to put no gifts on an invitation for my
parents 30th anniversary other than "No gifts please". Any ideas
The Etiquette Queen says:
Why not pick their favorite charity and put "in lieu of gifts, you may
make a donation to ____"
Stephanie asked:
Is it required that you bring a gift to an engagement party?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Only if it is your wedding present, otherwise, no. I never bring the gift
to any party. Too much chance of mishap.
Mary asked:
What is the traditional monogram for a new bride for towels?
The Etiquette Queen says:
If the couple's names are John and Mary Smith, you put a large
"S" in the middle and "J" and "M" on the sides.
Wherever you have it done, they will show you a variety of styles to choose
from along with colors.
Peggy asked:
I'm sorry to bombard you with yet another question (last one for now, I
promise!) I have soon-to-be 5 year old twin boys and are inviting their
preschool friends to their party in a few weeks. I don't want the guests to
feel they have to buy "two of everything". The boys usually share
most toys, and I would not expect someone to spend double on them. Should I
convey this in the invitation? Or tell them when they (hopefully) RSVP? I
don't know these parents very well, if at all. If I did I'd feel comfortable
with simply verbally tell them. Thanks!!
The Etiquette Queen says:
I am the grandmother of twins and I completely understand what you are
saying. My daughter tells the guests when they RSVP. Some gifts are not
expensive or can't be shared but most work out. by the way, feel free to write
any time. That's what I'm here for.
Virginia asked:
Should wedding gifts be brought to the wedding or sent ahead. I was always
under the impression that the latter is proper etiquette.
The Etiquette Queen says:
I always send the gift and don't bring it but it may be done. It's easier
for the bride, groom and their parents not to have to get them home after a
long day.
Virginia asked:
Should wedding gifts be brought to the wedding or sent ahead. I was always
under the impression that the latter is proper etiquette.
The Etiquette Queen says:
I always send the gift and don't bring it but it may be done. It's easier
for the bride, groom and their parents not to have to get them home after a
long day.
Virginia asked:
Should wedding gifts be brought to the wedding or sent ahead. I was always
under the impression that the latter is proper etiquette.
The Etiquette Queen says:
I always send the gift and don't bring it but it may be done. It's easier
for the bride, groom and their parents not to have to get them home after a
long day.
Jody Lynne asked:
I am having a housewarming party for a friend. What type of registry should
they have if any, or do you mail a list with invite? What type of gifts are
not a good thing to ask for? I am a first timer at this, so any suggestions
would be helpful.
The Etiquette Queen says:
You don't ask, you hope. Register at places like Bed, Bath and Beyond,
Target and Penney's. Put down a range of prices for kitchen, bath and bedroom
things. You can tell people when they RSVP if they ask. Otherwise, leave it up
to them to decide.
LaVonne asked:
Our Office Manager will be retiring in December. We have an office of about
50 people. Any ideas for an in office party, gift suggestions? Any ideas to
make this a fun event would be appreciated.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Does your manager like to travel? If so, maybe you could all chip in and
get him/her a vacation somewhere great. Also some momentum, engraved, would be
perfect. As for the party, not knowing your office, I can't be too specific
but look at the theme site for ideas and gamegirl for things to do. One idea
is to blow up a picture of the retiree and play a game of Pin the Part. Then have
everyone sign it.
Joe asked:
I am planning a 50th Anniversary reception for my parents. They do not want
any gifts. How should I word this on the invitation? Thank You.
The Etiquette Queen says:
You could put "no gifts please". If someone insists on doing
something, they can donate to your parents favorite charity.
Tiffany asked:
My mother is having a housewarming party for me for my first apartment. I
literally have everything except for a living room set. I will provide food,
drinks, and entertainment. Is there a way to state that I would prefer money
in order to avoid receiving gifts that I don't need without sounding tacky or
unappreciative?
The Etiquette Queen says:
In a word, no. Unless your mom slips the guests the word, accept gracefully
whatever is given.
Charity asked:
What is an appropriate gift for a garage attendant?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Cash. The amount would depend on where you live and how much interaction
you have. Could go anywhere from $20 to $50.
William asked:
As a physician in private practice, I recently hired a new associate who
arrived from this country from China ten years ago. After inviting his family
to my home two nights before Christmas for dinner, he arrived empty handed. We
gave his children, spouse and him presents, but he did not return the gesture
even following Christmas. I know he did not reciprocate gifts from our
department manager. Should I, and how do I broach this faux pax, if for no
other reason to prevent my practice and department from future embarrassment?
The Etiquette Queen says:
As far as the reciprocating with a gift, there's nothing you can say or do
except by example. But if there's no thank you note, you could point out the
courtesies of this country to your employee. I might suggest omitting a gift
next year.
Linda asked:
Should I give a Christmas gift to a golf professional who is giving me
lessons on a regular basis?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I think that would be a good idea. You never know, he might give you a few
extra tips.
De Vee asked:
As a guest to a large cocktail party, do I bring a gift? Do I call to thank
the next day? As a hostess, do I write thank-you's if I receive a gift at a
large party?
The Etiquette Queen says:
A guest does not need to bring anything unless the party is a shower or
another occasion that specifically calls for one. If you had a good time,
certainly call the next day and tell your host/hostess. A thank you note is
always proper when someone gives you a gift.
Stephanie asked:
What is the proper etiquette for dropping holiday gifts off at a friends
house. Do I need to bring a hostess gift in case I am invited to stay for a
visit?
The Etiquette Queen says:
No extra gift is necessary. Your presence is enough.
Elizabeth asked:
My boyfriend's parents invited my family to spend Christmas Day with their
family at an open house. They recently bought me a very nice birthday gift and
I'd like to give them something for Christmas as well. I became fast friends
with both of his parents, so my instinct is to get them something personal and
meaningful - one gift for each of them. However, his grandparents, siblings
and niece will be there as well. Should I get one large gift as a token to the
'family', or should I just get the little personal gifts I mentioned for each
of his parents instead?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I would get a family present for this occasion. There's plenty of time for
individual gifts. Maybe a beautiful silver picture frame.
Andrea asked:
A friend of mine wants to get her boss a gift for the holidays. She used to
work in a big office where everyone pitched in, but now is the personal
secretary to a bigwig. She's not sure what she should do. I suggested
something small and not terribly personal. What do you think? Thanks.
The Etiquette Queen says:
I agree, nothing personal unless she knows his taste in ties. Why not a
basket with fruit, a bottle of wine, maybe candy and/or cheese. These are easy
to get and can be made for any budget. It is something the entire family can
enjoy.
Lisa asked:
My husband and I have been invited to a New Years Eve party at the home of
some friends, it is a black-tie event. Are we supposed to bring a hostess
gift?? Please tell us what is proper etiquette. Thanks!
The Etiquette Queen says:
A gift is not required but if you would like to bring something, go ahead.
A nice box of chocolates is always appreciated.
Roni asked:
We are throwing a 50th wedding anniversary party in the U.S. for my parents
who live abroad. Since they will be traveling back after the affair, they
really don't need to haul back home gifts they may not even need. What is the
proper wording for requesting cash gifts in the invitation so as not to be
offensive or tacky?
The Etiquette Queen says:
There is really no wording that isn't tacky to someone about this subject.
I would suggest that when the guest RSVPs, you make the suggestion and tell
them why. After that, it's up to them.
Brian asked:
How do you celebrate a couples 40th wedding anniversary? For example if the
50th is Golden than what is the 40th?
The Etiquette Queen says:
The traditional and modern gift is the ruby. You could do a party in all
red. Use a heart theme, like valentine's day. Blow up a picture of the couple now
and one of them at their wedding and let the guests sign it.
Susan asked:
My boyfriend and I have 4 kids combined; we lived together up until a few
weeks ago. We are on very good terms with each other and will probably
reconcile. My mother sent Christmas presents only to 'my side' this year, instead
of like past years she would send a little something for everyone. What do I
do? Should I ask her why?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I think you know why. You two are not together now so she didn't feel that
she needed to send anything. Did his family send to you? You could ask your
mom but I bet that's why.
Beverly asked:
I recently gave an engagement party for my son and his
fiancée'. Three of
the more than 60 guests did not bring a gift. Is there a way that I can ask if
we misplaced it, or if they sent one and we didn't receive it or what should I
say or should I say nothing?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Say nothing. Chances are they didn't bring one. I never bring one to an
engagement party. Too much going on. I send something to them.
Tricia asked:
Me again, before I was asking what to wear, and what to take? Should I
bring a gift for the hostess? Thank You!!
The Etiquette Queen says:
I don't remember the occasion. Unless it is a shower or a birthday or an
anniversary, no gift is really necessary. If it is an open house, maybe a
bottle of wine or a box of chocolates.
Mary Ann asked:
I threw a Christmas open house and several guest brought gifts (i.e., candy,
plant). Should Thank You notes be sent to these guests?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Absolutely. Whenever you receive a gift, a note is appreciated.
Ellen asked:
How can I word a request for "cash" only on a baby shower
invitation. The reason for this is that the mother-to-be lives out of state
and will be flying back home with little room in her luggage for gifts.
The Etiquette Queen says:
It's very hard to tell people what to give someone as a gift. You might
tell them when they RSVP but don't be surprised if some still bring presents.
Remember, you can always ship stuff home.
Kae asked:
I am going to our office party and it is at the Doctor's house. My question
is do I take a gift or anything to the party?
The Etiquette Queen says:
You don't need to take anything with you unless everyone else is doing so.
M.Conley asked:
My family is hosting a 75th birthday party for my dad tomorrow. There are
about 54 guests and the afternoon dinner is being held at a restaurant. Is it
proper for the guest of honor to open his gifts at the party?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Of course. Everyone loves to see how the guest of honor likes the gift.
Reina asked:
I am having my first baby. I live in a small rural community, about 3 hours
from the nearest city. I want to register for gifts in that city (3 hrs away)
because there is nowhere to register near my home- no large department stores,
no baby stores, and even no Target. The hostess has asked me who I want
invited to my shower- and it includes both people from the town where I live
and people from the city (3 hours away- my parents live in that city), as well
as a few close friends from out of state. Is it appropriate for the hostess to
include registry information to all guests, even those who don't live in the
same city where I am registering? Also, if I am sending announcements, is it
appropriate to include registry information to those friends that have
expressed their desire to send a gift?
The Etiquette Queen says:
It would not only be fine, it would be a blessing. Today, with internet
shopping and fax and phone, it is easier to purchase gifts than ever. Let
people know so that they can please you.
Karen asked:
My husband is in the Navy and has just gotten to a new ship. We will be
attending a Christmas Open House at his Captain's home this weekend. Would it
be appropriate to bring a small gift? If so, what would you suggest?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I wouldn't bring anything to the party. You don't want to stand out. After,
send a nice note of thanks.
Barbara asked:
My grandson needs to know what kind of gift to take to a bar mitzvah of his
friend. He is the only member of our family invited and we are not Jewish.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Lots of people give a check and the honoree banks some of it and buys
something with the rest. Or, if he is into music, a gift certificate at his
favorite music store.
Marion asked:
I am currently in the middle of divorce process. I recently met a co worker
who is also divorced. There appears to be interest in both of our parts. He
has invited me to a casual holiday party at his home. I would like to do
whatever is proper without coming across as too much. I wanted to know about
bringing a gift or a bottle of something. He also bartends on the side so if I
take a bottle I need help in what to choose
The Etiquette Queen says:
Instead of bring "ice to and eskimo", why not go another way. How
about stopping at a great cheese store and have a fruit/cheese/cracker package
put together. Let him supply the wine at the party. Or maybe some chocolates.
K.C. asked:
Is there a catchy little phrase I can write in Xmas cards to let family
know that I am no longer exchanging gifts? They know I am no longer working
and I would rather spend time with them then to buy inexpensive gifts they do
not need.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Why not just tell them that in lieu of gifts for you, if they feel like
they would like to do something, make a donation and choose a charity. Say the
best gift is time spent with people.
Corey asked:
We are invited to a Hanukah party. We have never been invited to one
before. Is customary to bring a gift? Anything in particular? For the
children or just the host/hostess?
The Etiquette Queen says:
You don't really have to bring something although they will probably be
gift giving for the kids. If you would like to get a little something for
them, get a dreidel or some gold wrapped candy.
Lida asked:
What is the proper etiquette in regard to the return of wedding gifts when
the marriage ends in divorce 4 months later?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Depends on the gift. If used, divide it with the soon-to-be-ex. If not,
offer it back to the giver or donate it or divide it.
Cindy asked:
We are invited to friends of ours 18 year old daughter's cotillion/we paid
$60.00 each for 2 tickets...is it appropriate to also give the girl a gift? If
so what?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Usually a gift of some kind is nice but not necessary. Depends upon how
close you are to the family.
See more Etiquette Queen Questions
About Gifts.
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