The Queen: Professor, I am delighted to be your guest today and want
to talk about what I call Invitation Dos and Don'ts, because any party host
can find herself being snickered at in the supermarket because she has done a
Tacky Thing on the invitations.
What could those Tacky Things be? The first and most serious Tacky Thing is
to use the invitation as a directive to the guests as to what gifts the
hostess wants.
For example, just last week, a lady consulted the Queen concerning her
housewarming, asking if it was acceptable to list room colors and to direct
guests to a gift registry at a local store for more information. (She was
willing to include the registry in each invitation but thought it would make
it too bulky.)
Once the Queen recovered from Her fainting spell, She pointed out that
listing gift details is a Tacky Thing. After all, the purpose of a
housewarming is to warm your new house with your friends, not with their
wallets. The Queen added, of course, that if a guest specifically inquired
about the hostess's color preferences, the hostess might timidly comment that
she did have some decorating ideas to share but that she really didn't expect
a fancy gift…but then, if the guest insisted, she could offer information as
to colors and styles.
So, class, please write this down in your notebook: The invitation is not a
Wish List. It is an invitation. An invitation is all about you doing something
nice for your guests, not the other way around. And also note this: the same
thing goes for a money request. Unless it is a money tree (and the Queen will
talk about that later, if time allows), any request for money on an invitation
means that you are not having a party, you are sponsoring a fund raiser and
your tax lawyer will want to know about it!
The other Tacky Thing that many do on an invitation is try to use some
statement like "adults only." Never use this notation because people
who wouldn't dream of bringing uninvited guests (and those people do exist)
will think that you're having a sleazy party. And people who do bring those
triplets everywhere will see this notation and in their imaginations hear your
screeching, "Hey, you! Yes, you, yes, you're right -- the idiot who
brings those horrid children with her everywhere. DON'T!"
The only method that has any hope of working is the Preemptive Strike.
Here's what you do. Figure out who is likely to bring children (or who has
brought them before). Call each of them right after the invitations go out and
say, "Roderick and I wanted to make sure you got your invitation in
plenty of time to get a babysitter for the triplets because we simply cannot
accommodate them at Jessica and Frederick's wedding."
My goodness, the Queen sees that Her time is up. She will take questions
the next time but now must don Her perfectly white gloves and veiled hat and
go to tea, but not before saying that She is grateful for the Party
Professor's invitation to guide you in this column and hopes all the ladies
and gentlemen have a perfectly polite day.
